So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
