just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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