All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
