were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
