Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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