Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize