I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
