i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
