dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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