My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
