Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
