just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
