If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
