Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
