Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
