oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
