wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
