sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
