My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
