Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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