did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
