She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
