I'm jealous of your bromance
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
