Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ladies don't puke and tell
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
