why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
