I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
