her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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