So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
