Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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