We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
