i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
