i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
