suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
