My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
