Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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