you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
