If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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