i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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