Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
