I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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