I wish I could teleport
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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