I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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