I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize