i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
the raccoons are back...
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