I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
