wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
