Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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