My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
