Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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