I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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