My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
