Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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