I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
