So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
