My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
