So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Green mimosas i think yes
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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