We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
