Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
