Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
