i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So vagazzling was a success
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