please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
