You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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