i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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