I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
