i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
