I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
