and she was petting her beer can
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize