paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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