I heard we made out
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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