If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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