I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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